I have seen a trend in the last few years that I find amusing. Weddings that don’t allow children to attend. They actually put it on the invitation. My question is this: Is this brilliant or rude? I mean, on one hand, it is YOUR wedding, and you don’t want it interrupted with a couple of screaming kids at the moment you say, “I do.” That would be rather disastrous. But of course so would “Beethoven’s 5th” ringing on someone’s cell phone. (I wish we could ask people to leave those things at home on the invitations.) But on the flip side of this, is it really fair to ask someone to hire a baby sitter and fork over like $50 bucks to avoid kids running around. You might have friends and family stay home because they simply can’t afford to shell out that kind of money right now. Tell us; are you banning children, and if so, why? If you are letting children come, do you have any special plans for them?
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13 Responses and Counting...
11.30.2009
Only the flower girl and ring bearer. That’s enough:)
We did not want kids at our wedding and we were explicit about that. We didn’t think it was rude; it was our day and we wanted things a certain way. A family member of mine brought her child anyway and he started crying during my vows. It almost ruined the perfection of that moment and I’ll never forget how she overlooked our wishes and brought her child just because she wanted him to be there. Kids do no belong everywhere no matter how acceptable parents think their attendance is and not everyone enjoys kids’ presence no matter how normal it may seem to their parents. It’s rude to assume your child is invited just because you are and I did not mind letting my family member know that afterward. There was no issue of paying for a babysitter or lack of babysitter availability and if there was I would have been OK if she stayed home. It’s not my responsibility to organize a kid-friendly event especially when I don’t want to just because someone else has a child.
I think it should be implied unless the invitation spicifically says, “children welcome.” That said, people will inevitably bring them, if it is not spicifically stated, “no children please.” Most people will have a family member or friend who is not attending the wedding who can watch their children for a couple of hours. Personally, I wouldn’t mind children at my wedding if they were well behaved, but I know some are not and will find a way to knock over my wedding cake, break a vase that belongs to the venue, ect.
We LOVE kids and they are a huge part of our big day. We are having a whole area of the reception dedicated to the kids, including a kids buffet, candy bar, and coloring table. We are also providing a baby sitter and kids room for the parents to drop their kids off at after a certain time. Our ceremony will go late into the night and we know most of these kids will not last past 9pm so big pallets of the floor and a movie will be provided for the late part of the evening.
From a Photographers point of view…. I did a wedding where the brides son (in the terrible 2′s) spent the entire wedding laying on the floor kicking and screaming every time he was needed for a photo….. However some of the most precious photos have been the bride or groom with children… Its always a chance you take….
Dennis
We are not allowing children at our event. I am still unsure of the wording that is polite for the invitations. We feel like our event is going to be one big celebration and that it would be a nice time for the parents to have a “date night”. Most of the children that would come to the wedding, if invited, have very close relatives that would love to have the children for the evening. Also, since alcohol will be provided, we feel like it would be inappropriate for the child to have to sit in a cab without a car seat just because the parents had too much to drink.
We have no problem with kids but we are having an adult only reception. We have an area for the kids that were in the wedding in the hospitality suite with food and cartoons. Most caterers charge the same amount for kids…why pay $25-$40 when they will not eat all their food. Chicken fingers and/or pizza will do. Also I dont think its fair to the couple for parents to bring toddlers and babies to the wedding and cause unnecessary nosie and confusion. Please be considerate to the bride and groom.
Weddings are not fun for young children. They don’t want to sit still, be quiet, and not fidget — they are young children. Parents would not take small children to a symphony, a movie, or a nice restaurant. Why? Because those are not places children enjoy- nor are they appreciated.
If the child’s names is on the inner envelope, they are invited, fidgets and all. If their name is not on the inner envelopes — they are not invited, and the parents should respond accordingly.
I think it is extremely rude and inconsiderate of parents who insist in bringing children to events in which there is a chance their children could be disruptive to others attending. It shows you don’t care how it affects others around you at all. Since when you can’t part with them for a few hours?
It’s kind of a sticky subject. On one had, yes very young children can be disruptive. However, when I got married, my youngest sister was 4. Should she have not been allowed? My other sister had a nursing baby at the time who wouldn’t take a bottle. She, her baby, and my 4 year old sister were all welcome and caused NO problems. Most parents know to remove their children if they get too rowdy. We wanted our wedding to be about family and welcomed all well-behaved children. We had a special children’s activity area set up at our reception with coloring, crafts, kid-friendly food, and several responsible teenage girls to supervise. When my husband’s brother got married, we had an 8 month old. He stayed with family during the wedding, then I had to drive 40 minutes to pick him up and 40 minutes back just so out-of-town relatives could see him at the reception. He would have been quiet through the ceremony. He would sit quietly through an hour of church every Sunday. It was such a pain in the butt. Plus, some family got mad at me at his reception because I missed so much of it to go pick up my son. Some people have very far away relatives that want to see the younger members of their family. And some parents can’t leave their young children at home for 2 days while they attend a wedding. Are they supposed to leave their kids in the hotel room?Others are getting remarried and have young children from previous weddings. If you know your child won’t sit still and act right, yes it’s probably easier on the child to not attend. But, well-behaved and especially close relative children should be able to attend most weddings. If you’re having a really fancy wedding and want parents, but not young children, come up with a place for the young kids. And consider how many of your relatives have young children when planning your wedding and reception. If you don’t want the kids there, you might have to accept that you sister, sister-in-law, best friend, etc. might just not be able to attend. I’d rather have all my family there as none of my family.
Our family has always included my brother’s three children. Their mother would have been furious if we did not and we wanted them to be there. Now that these kids have grown up they do not want to include our children at their weddings. They say that it is because of the cost but they are paying for neighbors and high school friends. This does not seem fair.
As a friend going to a wedding I would never dream of bringing my child unless asked to do so. As a family member going to a wedding where my son’s entire family will be there I would find it rude and selfish if he were not invited. At it’s true heart a wedding is a celebration of a joining of families, and a celebration of expansion of family. To not include a family member in a family occasion just because of age is disgusting and shows lack of morals. To all the brides and grooms- nothing in life is perfect, you’re wedding day should be as close as possible, but a child is not going to ruin you’re occasion. Cutting one person out of one day of your life may end up cutting many people out of your life for it’s entirety. Be careful, mindful, and try not to be too wrapped up in perfection or you may forget what your wedding is really supposed to be about ( it’s about you but the marriage is about so much more, family’s kids included)
I think the general etiquette (that I’ve been hearing) is you can have a no-kids wedding, but that no information about that goes on the actual invitation. So no “Adults Only” on the invite, etc. Instead, you address the invitation to the parents ONLY, and if someone responds back with their kids, you politely tell them that the invitation was excluding their children. That’s what I’m planning on doing, but I can already hear the phone calls..